I know it has been a while since I have been on here. Sorry guys, not that you really missed me...  But I have to get this out!  Those of you who have known me for a while also know that Amie and I broke up about a year ago.  It hurt when we broke up, then I realized that it was for the best (at least at the time) but it still hurt because I still loved her. 

At the beginning when we first became a couple it was because we knew each other so well and were such good friends and both of us had always wanted our life partner to be our best friend.  It didn't take long for us to really kick it off.  Things were great!  But then we got engaged and things changed.  I was trying to get a jump start on planning the wedding while she was job hunting because she had not yet found a full time teaching job.  As many of you know her parents, they didn't make things easy, which strained the relationship tremendously.  Eventually she broke it off, and I was devastated.  I knew how much I loved her, regardless of her parents and her own little quirks. 

Over the past year we have remained the best friends that our whole relationship is based on.  It has been hard at times, but we were both committed to keeping the friendship that we had worked so hard on over the years.  Also, we both agreed that no other person had ever understood us or cared for us as much as the other did.

At one point I tried to convince myself that I was no longer in love with her; it worked for a little while until I realized it was a lie.  Recently, I thought I have been doing pretty good letting her go, regardless of my own feelings because I know that we are not going to be together. 

Now she is seeing one of the teachers that she works with at Harris Road Middle School (by the way his name is Matt too).  I actually met him when I went in to help her set up her classroom on three separate occasions before school started.  He is in the room right next door to hers. 

When Amie and I were together, I was always making an effort to make her happy; not that she was unhappy, I just enjoyed doing things for her that made her happy.  And, still today, I want her to be happy, even if it meant she was with somebody else.  I told her that, and I meant it too.  The part about this that sucks though, is that I don't get what I have worked so hard for.  But I know that there is nothing that I can do that will change how she feels about me.  Though this is not what I want to hear, I do know that if God intends for us to be together that it will happen.

I don't know what I expect from this or if it will even make me feel any better getting it out there.  I guess well see what it brings...

My managers at work have told me that I am number one on their list of who they want to upgrade to a supervisor position.  Over the past six months or so they have been telling me that I was one of their top candidates for this upgrade.  But I have yet to actually get the position.  And every time they have said that to me, I would get my hopes up then it wouldn't happen.  They never gave me a reason why I didn't get the upgrade, they just didn't give it to me.  So I find myself wondering if this is just another one of those times that I got my hopes up for no reason, or if they actually mean it this time.   I do feel like they mean it this time because they are telling me that they want to change my schedule so that I can work with other managers allowing me to get their "approval" as well so that I can have back-up from all of the managers.  This is a step in the right direction I guess and I guess all I can do is keep busting my butt until I get it.  I guess what I'm saying is that I feel like they have been dragging me around like a puppet, and I don't want to get upset anymore that I didn't get the upgrade after they tell me that I will be upgraded soon.